The Real St. Patrick (sorta)

Saint Patrick's Day is more than a day to drink green beer. It's the feast day of the patron saint of Ireland (and a day to drink green beer).

Patrick was born in Wales in the fifth century. As a teen he was kidnapped by Irish pirates and made a slave. He escaped, returned to Wales, became a priest, and went back to Ireland to convert the heathens.

Patrick was a player. Based on his written denials, Patrick sold baptisms and took bribes to ordain priests. He liked to hang out with wealthy women, get expensive gifts from them, steal them away from their families, and turn them into nuns. One theory (okay, just my theory) is that Saint Patrick invented the "hot nun" genre of pornography.

Patrick is credited with driving the snakes out of Ireland which was made easier by the fact there never were any snakes on the island.

Morrigan, War Goddess

Patrick is forever linked to the shamrock. In ancient times the shamrock was the symbol of the three sister goddesses - Morrigan, Brigid, and Eriu. Patrick used that ubiquitous Irish clover to explain the confusing Christian theology of the Holy Trinity where three Gods are really just one God (It has something to do with a sacred stem.).

Patrick is also tied to leprechauns because nothing explains the Catholic priesthood like childlike fairies hiding pots of gold.

Did I mention the green beer?