Republican Veepology

There has been speculation about who Mitt Romney will anoint his Vice President. History gives some guidance.

Democratic Veepology is simple. With one exception (Ferraro, 1984) Democrats pick a man (always a man) who is boringly competent. No thought is given to philosophy or regional balance, the candidate must simply be extremely dull yet capable. Republican Veepology is more complex.

Assassination Insurance Theory

Invented by Richard Nixon in 1968, it is by far the most common theory practiced. The theory is to nominate someone so bizarrely frightening that even the most insane anarchist would be terrified by the possibility of that person actually becoming President.

It is a strikingly effective strategy. There was no thought of impeaching Richard Nixon until after Spiro Agnew was forced to resign in 1973 due to his own corruption and was replaced by the reassuringly dull Gerald Ford. Al-Qaeda never once tried to kill George Bush Junior because as much as they hated Americans even they didn't want to inflict Dick Cheney on us. Conversely, whenever Republicans ignore this theory they put their lives at risk. The list of insurance policies have also included Dan Quayle and, of course, Sarah Palin.

Appeasement Theory

Like Mitt Romney, most Republican presidential candidates are way less radical than the party base that believes half the country are gay Communist atheist Muslim elites who are trying to destroy the country because we hate Mondays. This base needs to be appeased by a Veep candidate that speaks their language.

I think God's will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built, so pray for that. ~ Sarah Palin

Reagan is the only Republican who could ignore the Appeasement Theory but that was because he was a charter member of the radical wing of the Republican Party.

Who Will Romney Pick?
Lots of names have been mentioned. Most (Pawlenty, Mitch Daniels, Rob Portman and others) fail both theories. The best bets are:

1. Rand Paul - Crazy scary and crazier radical.
2. Chris Christie - Agnew-like SOB.
3. Paul Ryan - Mathematical imbecile which has made him the Party's budget leader and a radical hero, unqualified to be city manager of Pacoma.
4. Marco Rubio - Cuban. Republicans consider that Hispanic although Hispanics outside of Florida don't. With vague Mormon connections, I doubt Romney will have the courage to pick him.
5. Bobby Jindel - Long the Great Brown Hope of Republicans who are convinced that Obama's popularity is entirely because of his skin color. Sarah Palin smart.