San Diego Dis-Chargers

Every year I find the time to write about my hometown professional football squad. This year my team is leading the league in pathetic.

The KC Chiefs are a horribly coached team of lousy players yet they managed to win the week one of their players murdered his girlfriend and committed suicide while thanking his coach.

The NY Jets used a third-string QB to play the most boring sporting contest of the decade (including the 2008 World Tiddlywinks Championship) on Sunday yet they manged to squeak out a victory.

The San Diego Chargers have gotten so bad even their cheerleaders have taken to mooning them. For the second consecutive week the Chargers had a 10 point lead in the fourth quarter and managed to lose. My team has mastered the art of blowing second half leads. The question is, who is to blame?

Owner Dean Spanos
Like many idiot sons of successful men, Dean is terrified of making decisions. He would rather explain inaction as deliberation than act and reveal himself as a fool.

General Manager A. J. Smith
Smith inherited the job when the man he schlepped coffee for (John Butler) died of cancer. Spanos decided to just give the job to Butler's gofer rather than interview actual professionals for the position. For a few years Smith didn't look too bad because the Charger's head coach, Marty Schottenheimer, was acting as the de facto GM. Even after Smith fired Coach Marty the Chargers put together some fine seasons because of the personnel Marty had accumulated.

A. J. loves to cut proven talent, like All-Pro receiver Vincent Jackson, relying instead on injury prone replacements like Jarad Gaither and Danario Alexander. He is piss poor at judging draft talent. In the six years since Schottenheimer left A. J. has found only four decent players in the draft while his list of busts is extensive.

Head Coach Norv Turner

Norv is living proof the Peter Principle is still valid. He was an excellent offensive coordinator and is a lousy head coach. He is as inspirational as Eeyore on a bad tail day. His inability to manage a clock is legendary. He panics easily and has the killer instinct of a koala. Norv folds up under pressure like a Walmart lawn chair.

Quarterback Philip Rivers

There was a time a few years ago when people were say he was the best quarterback in team history. That was exaggerating. Even when things were going well he tended to whine and pout too much. Now that things are bad and he has become a turnover machine pouting is just about all we see. It's clear Philip has developed the yips. You can see him cautiously short-arming throws he once heaved with confidence.

The real question is whether Philip's psyche has been permanently ruined by the morose Turner and incompetent Smith or can he recover his old swagger under stronger leadership.