Rating Your Prison Experience

Yelp reviews prisons just like they were any other bed and breakfast resort.

San Quentin - 2 1/2 stars

"Million dollar view...ten cent room. "
Located on San Francisco Bay in upscale Marin County, San Quentin is the oldest prison in California. If there wasn't already a prison here, Donald Trump would have built a hotel on the site.

Sing Sing - 5 stars

"One of the best prisons I've ever been sent to."
Celebrates it's 190th birthday next year.  Sing Sing sits on the banks of the Hudson River and is what they were referring to when people talked about being "sent up the river." Most famous inmate: Lucky Luciano.

Rikers Island - 3 1/2 stars

"Free proctology and/or gynocological examines nightly."
Located in the East River between Queens and the Bronx, this is New York City's main jail. There are ten jails on the island holding 12,000 prisoners either awaiting trial or for petty crimes. Almost every notorious criminal tried in New York City has spent some nights on Rikers.

Tent City Jail - 4 stars

"I already have a concentration camp, it's called Tent City." ~ Sheriff Joe Arpaio
That quote is not from Yelp but from the proprietor of the facility, Phoenix sheriff Arpaio. His jail features pink underwear, brutal temperatures, and chain gangs. The sheriff brags that he spends only forty cents a day to feed his prisoners. Most evil occupant: Sheriff Joe himself.

Orleans Parish Prison - 2 stars

"Wolves howling on the moor was a nice touch."
Probably the most brutal county jail in the country if not the world. Several prisoners roam the facility freely with drugs and guns (photo above). If Tent City is a glimpse of hell, Orleans Parish Prison is its deepest pit.