Health Benefits of WV Water

Pregnant women excepted, the coal industry's enhanced water is perfectly safe for people to drink.

Everybody loves water that you can chew.

1. Drinking Water Helps Maintain the Balance of Body Fluids.
Coal industry scientists have proven that the body requires a fine balance of H2O and 4-methylcyclohexanemethanol (MCHM). Absence of this necessary frothing agent leads to unwanted side effects such as long life and the resulting burden on Social Security.

2. Water Can Help Control Calories.
Drinking West Virginia tap water causes a sudden and complete loss of appetite. Drink enough enhanced WV water and you too can have a svelte supermodel figure.

3. Water Helps Energize Muscles.
Especially the diaphragm and other muscles involved in the vomit reflex.

4. Water Helps Keep Skin Looking Good.
Who has healthier looking skin that enhanced water advocate John Boehner? His complexion is exactly the same color as WV tap water. Coincidence?

5. Water Helps Your Kidneys.
To dissolve.

6. Water Helps Maintain Normal Bowel Function.
As long as you consider bloody diarrhea to be normal.

When American industry is relieved of burdensome regulations the entire country will be able to enjoy the enhanced water now available only in West Virginia.

The preceding was a public service announcement by America's most patriotic business.