The Wonderful World of Mittens Romney

Chateau Mittens

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree ~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Most men own fewer shoes than Mitt Romney owns homes. His New Hampshire villa includes a stable. The stable is assessed at $2.5 million. (Although, to be fair, the stable does have an attached boathouse.)  But Mitt's California palace will be his Xanadu. It has a built-in lobbyist and will have an elevator just for Mitt's Cadillacs plus a 3,600 square foot underground lair for plotting wars against Russia or China or poor folk. You know, the enemy.

Stealth Mittens

He rarely went abroad by daylight, but at twilight he would go out muffled up invisibly, whether the weather were cold or not, and he chose the loneliest paths and those most over-shadowed by trees and banks. ~ H.G. Wells, the Invisible Man

Mitt Romney exists. He leaves footprints in the snow and injuries on the people he meets. But Mitt Romney stays invisible. His opinions, goals, plans, and platforms are phantoms, mere illusions to bedevil the masses. Some say he is a chameleon or an Etch-a-Sketch but that gives him far too much credit for visibility. He is a noise without a cause, a wound without a weapon. Romney is a shadow of a shadow.

Filicidal Mittens

Queen Elizabeth: I have no more sons of the royal blood for you to slaughter. 

Richard III: You have a daughter. ~ Richard III (film)

A caution to any parents who might be considering asking Mitt Romney to be the godfather of their children. Mitt believes that being a godfather gives him the unmitigated right to murder any children entrusted to his care. Just in case your offspring disappear and you hear an invisible cackle coming from the evening mists, don't say you weren't warned.