What Is a Venture Capitalist?

We are doomed to eight more months of hear Mitt Romney tell us how his being a venture capitalist qualifies him to run the nation's economy. But, what is a "venture capitalist?"

Boston...

Strip away the fancy office and you'll find a venture capitalist is really just an upscale loan shark.

and New Jersey.

Both provide funds to the desperate. Both demand compensation far in excess of bank interest rates. Venture capitalists require businesses to cut them in for a piece of the action. While loan sharks will occasionally muscle in and take over a business for unpaid loans most are more honest and settle for repayment of the loan along with an exorbitant vig. As a rule, loan sharks demand a smaller cut than venture capitalists.

Loan sharks are known to break kneecaps if they aren't paid but are generally less violent because they know the dead never pay off debts. Venture capitalists are cannibalistic. If they have an investment that isn't paying off they cut up the victim, consume the juicy bits and throw away the rest.

Both wear expensive suits and drive expensive cars. Loan sharks tend to stay in the neighborhood and believe they are providing a necessary service. Venture capitalists tend to buy multiple homes in multiple states and also claim they provide a necessary service.

Both are the kind of creeps you'd never associate with unless you absolutely had to.